fonder heart

Well, it's late October now.

Teaching really does preclude editing for me -- especially because this is the first time I've ever had more than one "prep," which is to say I'm teaching both critical video production as well as public speaking. I'm finding it rather challenging. Ahem. Nothing left over in my brain (or life) for too much else and I'm worn out. Serious academics on tenure tracks do more than one prep - often 3 - all the time, I know, but notice how I supposedly *left* that career?? Hmmm...

Fingers crossed, it looks probably that I"ll get three sections of the same course next term, which will be much easier on my psyche and my time-wallet.

I write today, though, because I ran into someone yesterday (ouch) who mentioned that he'd seen the little video clip of Scene 6 (posted back in I think Feb), so this morning I went back and watched it, myself. Made me miss all the See & Be folk and the sense of progress on the movie and feel more optimistic about getting back to it. A little distance and it's not so bad. Have graded several student productions by now, too, which of course make ours look better.

Back to grading now!

Rachel

Next phase

Hi there,

Well, I'm back in town -- but my camera, alas, is not. I left it in Maine. Eek!

I have to start getting seriously down to business prepping my classes now anyway, so there wouldn't be much time for editing, but it is displeasurable not to have to occasional moment here and there to compare takes or down(up?)load, etc. Not to mention that I can't use the camera for anything else, either.

I have decided that I must duplicate all the tapes, regardless. So that will be my next task. It will take a while because it's near 29 hours of footage and I will not be able to do more than a few hours at a time, probably (have to borrow the equipment). But that's what I'll do -- I'll dupe it so that I can pass it along to someone else without giving up the originals. We really do want to see a finished piece!!

Do let me know you're out there!

Rachel

Six years and counting?

It's July, BTW. The dates I see on the "claqeta"/"clacker"/slate when I'm editing are all July. It's been six years -- SIX of them -- since we came together and were all so sweaty and determined. We've all done a lot in those years and we're all significantly older. We've worked and wanted; most of us (if not all?) have moved, many across the country, some across the ocean, some more than once. Relationships have started and/or ended. A few of us knew each other before the film and have stayed in touch as friends, some more and some less than others. Many of us knew each other only for a few weeks or even a few days during the shoot, making new friends and keeping in touch, or happy to work together and then move on. The majority of GW's presidency has transpired since most of us saw each other last.

I have to admit, I am considering passing the baton on this one. I watch this footage and it's hard to endure all the things I did then that I wouldn't do now. It's hard to look at this story through the lens of who I was in July 2002, because who I am in July of 2008 would do it so differently. I have doubled my knowledge of filmmaking, I think, since we first rolled on 'Seeing and Believing' (teaching others is the best way to deepen your own knowledge and I have taught four terms of video production since '04). Part of the increase in knowledge came from shooting S & B, itself, of course -- there's no substitute for doing a thing we know about, as we so often re-learn. I simply didn't know then what I know now -- there's no crime in that -- one should HOPE, in fact, that every six years of one's life, one will be able to say this: it's called growth. But even forgiving my pre-having-done-it-ignorance as necessary and natural, I can't help but get aggravated with and yell at my 2002-self from here when I watch her squander 2008-self's one opportunity to direct a feature-length narrative film. Watching the footage and trying to cut together shots I don't even like is taxing. I mean, I hate to say it, I really hate to say it -- believe me -- but some of this movie is just downright bad. Editing is not, shall we say, mostly pleasurable. Occasionally pleasurable, yes: some of it works, there are arresting little moments of truth here and there, some lovely shots, a few good scenes... but mostly? Mostly? No.

And DAMN!! for that.

Both RJ and Kevin have offered in the past to take on editing at least parts of the film and I have been reluctant for an assortment of practical reasons (duping 29 hours of footage, for one), but my main resistance has been a sense of ... oh, what would I call it? Duty, maybe. That is, it's partly emotional "ownership" since I wrote the script and lived and breathed those characters for so many years before July, 2002, but it has also been a sense of... responsibility. I'm the director and I feel responsible to you all who worked so hard for that time (though it may not show, since the thing is still Not Done) -- you deserve to have something to show for all you gave in time and energy and money! Can't let it go - can't let it go! My job!

But the relativity of six more years does start to make those six weeks look smaller. I would prefer to move my energy into a current project, I admit. I'd rather be writing.

Anyway -- I haven't given up on all of it yet, I do still want it to Be Finished. We all really do deserve to see an actual film, a whole narrative, after all we put into it. But this is what I'm thinking about as I'm heading off into the woods for a bit. Comments?

Peace out,
REA

Heading for Maine

Hello, Those Who Read Me,

I am leaving at 4:30 tomorrow morning for Maine (to visit my dad and step-mom -- where we shot some footage of Larry and Marissa's erstwhile tire swing) and I will be back (God willing and the creek don't rise) on the night of August 6th. It looks like I won't have time to upload any footage to take with me -- I daren't take the tapes -- so I won't be editing again until I get back.

Hope you're all enjoying life -- 'tis oh-so short!!

Love & fortitude,
Rachel

Survivor?

All right, I have to admit it - I have not been editing S & B the last week or so.

"Why not?" you ask, crushed.

Well, because I was too busy getting together my application to be on 'Survivor'!!!

"Freak!" you say -- and rightly so.

What am I thinking??? I'll be FORTY-ONE YEARS OLD in two weeks, I have never been athletic, and I really, really like my alone time. Hm.

But the application is in. Don't let any of my video students see the video I made - it's terrible! But hopefully it shows that I am not a total screen dud.

We'll see if I even get an interview. If September arrives and I haven't gotten a call, I'll know I didn't even make the first cut. If I do make the first cut, I'll have to go to Chicago for the first interview.

I'll let you know! No doubt.

Now - back to Scene 28 - where was I - oh yes - being annoyed that we crossed the 180-degree line when Marissa goes to the window...

Peace,
REA